Which is worse? Being entirely alone, or loving the one person you'll never be able to have? I've been sitting here for the last week trying to wrap my mind around that one, and let me tell you... I'd rather enjoy what little time I have with this guy, than to never have known him.
I wish that I had good news, but go figure, things are still the same. Shitty.
I got news tonight that my Grampa's cancer came back. It's terminal. It's spread too far now to do another round of chemo. I thought my world had fallen apart before. Man. Now I'm just so lost that I can't focus on anything. It's been a long time since I've lost someone close, and knowing that one of my three favorite people on the planet is giving up... I think that knowing that he's not fighting anymore is harder than him actually being sick all over again. I can deal with the diagnosis again. I can deal with the chemo and the surgeries again. I just can't deal with knowing that he's gonna die. I don't know what I'm gonna do, knowing that one of these days, he isn't just gonna be there anymore.
Ah, well.
I'll post more another time.
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