I hope it's gonna make you notice, someone like me.

I've been doing alot of reflecting lately on the last few years, and whew. You know it's time for a vacation when just thinking about your life exhausts you. I'm so glad I got out when I did. I have such a lighter heart, and I don't feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders anymore. I feel... liberated, as cliche as it sounds.

I've decided, after talking to Justin for 2 hours tonight, that I really need to make a change in my life, and not just as far as men are concerned. It's about time I start taking care of myself. It's been almost a week since I've had a drink, and for the very FIRST time in ... oh God, months, I feel really good about that. It's not a matter of "when's the next time?" but rather, "it's quite alright by me." ...I think that being drunk by 4 pm on Cinco de Mayo was a huge wakeup call. It really made me actually stop and think before I drank at ALL on Friday night, and boy oh boy, as tempted as I was to get obliterated, I didn't!

It's not just alcohol either. I've been eating better. I make it a point to walk every day, even if it is just to the Walgreen's less than a block away. I just feel so much better getting outside and doing SOMETHING. I've cut back on the snacks, my meals are more rounded, and being absolutely broke has caused me to stop drinking soda and to almost entirely quit smoking.

Mentally, welll, that's still a struggle. Once I find a job though, I know that I'll be doing tons better. The mess that has become my love life just seems... unimportant now. Let bygones be bygones, and move on with my life. Which is what I'm doing. I have amazing friends, and with everything that's been happening, they've been so good to me. I've been writing alot more lately, even if it is just stupid blogs, or a little bit more personal stuff in my little journal everynight. It's been awhile since I've been able to get ANY thought out of my head like this.

So. If anyone actually reads this, especially the men I've been involved with... fucking suck it. I'm better off now, and I'm doing better than I have in years. Fuckers.